“can’t you look it up in your computer system?” - are you f*cking kidding me? this is a kiosk in the mall. not circut city. though i do pray for the day when there is a directory of “all things cell phone cases” for the KIOSK. there is none right now. if i say we don’t have it, let me check in the drawer. we still don’t have it. thats it. that is the end.
“smile!” -did you just tell me to smile? i have been here since 9:45AM and contemplating suicide since 7pm. do not tell me to smile.
“are you sure this is all you have?” - isn’t that what i just said? i’m pretty sure i’m speaking english and that you do too. what was lost in translation when i told you that’s all we have. you think i’m stock-piling jewel encrusted LG Voyager cases in a magical underground lair and if you ask me three times i reveal them?
“why don’t you have any jeweled ones for MY phone??” - because i sucked them all into my butthole when i saw you coming. there aren’t any because:
1. someone bought them
2. they don’t exist for your phone
either way, we don’t have any because God hates you.
“10 DOLLARS!!!” - don’t act like i just told you obama won the peace prize. they are normally 20. i am being nice. why are you here.
-did i just watch you let your son LICK my showcase as you all walked by? while your kid was licking my store, i was watching you, watch your kid, lick the glass case that TONS of people touch. don’t try to sue people when your kid turns out fat with crohns.
“do you have anything with a playboy bunny on it?” - :(. sigh.
“do you have any Betty Boop stuff?” - do you know how many times i am asked that? you wouldn’t believe me. betty boop is in high fucking demand. i don’t have anything but one broken betty boop charm that was torn in half in a fight over the last betty boop item.
-are you really trying to pay me with a hundred dollar bill for an item that costs 5 dollars and 30 cents? do you want to die today?
girl: you got any chargers?
me: yes
girl: how much?
me: what kind of charger?
girl: a car charger
me: 13.99
girl: how bout 2
me: 2? 2 dollars?
girl: yeah
me: for a car charger? you want me to give it to you for 2 dollars?
girl: yeah
me. no.
girl: bitch.
